The Beginning
For a really long time I had been thinking about the direction my life was taking. It wasn't as much religion that was driving me to get closer to God, it was more the desire to have direction in life. I had always believed in God. Knowing whether not he existed and loved me was never an issue. It was feeling worthy of that love. I felt like because I wasn't living in away that would thank him for his sacrifice and guidance, I wasn't worthy to ask for the direction I need. For a very long time, and I mean years, I have felt like (and I use the word 'have' because I still feel this way) there is a very specific reason I am here and whatever it is the path I was on was not going to lead me to it. It was very frustrating not just feeling, but knowing, I was here for a purpose that I wasn't fulfilling. So for a long time I would just live life mostly angry and frustrated mixed in with some temporary happiness. I got so angry about life on a deeper level that every