Jacque Findlay

I love New Years. I love new beginnings. New opportunities. I understand you can start ANYTIME, but there is just something about a new year for me that really recharges my batteries. As I look at my new years resolutions I think of what goals I can set in my life that will help me achieve balance. I firmly believe that finding balance is the key to happiness. Like real happiness. The kind you feel when you are alone in a room with no one around. That kind that makes you stop, sigh, and realize just how content you are with your simple life. Finding balance is the key. I believe that to achieve happiness you need to focus on balance in 4 areas. If you put too much emphasis in just one of these for areas then you are going to achieve the highest level of happiness that you possibly can. “Happiness is not a matter of intensity, but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony.” Being happy doesn't mean getting everything you have ever wanted. It means taking joy in the small moments...

It's amazing how much a few years can teach you about yourself. I know myself pretty well and yet I feel like I learn more and more about me everyday. The last 3 years have been quite the roller coaster ride. In the process of achieving balance, I have been through a lot of ups and downs. It's usually times like these...2am on a Saturday night....that I start thinking about how I am doing at finding balance. I firmly believe that for a person to be at their happiest they need to have balance in 4 areas in life. 1. Physical 2. Spiritual 3. Financial 4. Social Imbalance in one area affects them all. For example, if you don't feel good about yourself physically it may affect your social life. Or if you don't feel stable financially it may affect your attitude therefore affect the Spiritual, Social, and...if you are like me and eat your emotions....it will affect you physically. There have been a few times in my life where I have achieved pretty good balance in...

For a really long time I had been thinking about the direction my life was taking. It wasn't as much religion that was driving me to get closer to God, it was more the desire to have direction in life. I had always believed in God. Knowing whether not he existed and loved me was never an issue. It was feeling worthy of that love. I felt like because I wasn't living in away that would thank him for his sacrifice and guidance, I wasn't worthy to ask for the direction I need. For a very long time, and I mean years, I have felt like (and I use the word 'have' because I still feel this way) there is a very specific reason I am here and whatever it is the path I was on was not going to lead me to it. It was very frustrating not just feeling, but knowing, I was here for a purpose that I wasn't fulfilling. So for a long time I would just live life mostly angry and frustrated mixed in with some temporary happiness. I got so angry about life on a deeper level that every...

If you had told me two years ago I would be where I am now I would have called you crazy. It's amazing how much time can change everything...how experiences in life give us a new perspective. How moments can so dramatically change the path we are on. I keep wanting to say "Oh how I have changed in the last year" but really it's been more than a year. Sascha died over a year ago and it feels like just yesterday. Sascha dying is what I thought changed me but really I was changed before that...it just took that dramatic event for me to admit it to myself....even after that dramatic event it took me like 9 months. I dont like talking about religion or my religious views with people. There are a couple reasons for this. 1. People get so upset and opinionated over this stuff...myself included. And I avoid that battle by just not talking about it 2. I felt like a hypocrite saying I believed in a certain thing without really understanding it or studying it. 3. Many faiths, in...

Well, its official...I turned my notice in to the theatre. My last day will be January 1st. It's totally weird, scary, awesome, and just great all at one time. I will be working at Applebees as a host for a while, then a server. I dont know how long I will be there. I want to get my credit card paid off and then go from there. Now that I have quit the theatre its like now I have to decide what I want to do. I have no idea. Thats what made quiting so scary. I dont know what to do next. This year....man....it sucks.

I LOVE YOU SASCHA, GET WELL SOON!! This year had a very enthusiastic beginning. I started with an optimistic outlook. I lost 40lbs by March. I had been in therapy for 4 months and felt like I might just be able to resolve some of my issues. I was ready to start dating, I was putting myself out there, and I genuinely felt like I could deal with the negatives in my life. I had one of the most fun summers of my life. Vacations, even 30 minutes from my home, were blissful . Yes there were still negative things going on that sometimes made me want to hurl, but overall I was coping. Then in a blink of an eye everything changed. Sascha invited me over to her house because she wanted to talk. I had a work party at my house later so I showed up in my orange skirt and short denim jacket worried about what she wanted and how long it was going to take. I pulled up to see Jayson leaving on his motorcycle and I was instantly irritated. This was the first time I had actually seen him since I knew Sas...

Yes, I did go back to Forks. IT WAS FANTASTIC. Not quite as magical as the first time. It wasnt as wet so that took away some of the mist that was so important, but it was still amazing. The beaches were my favorite part, mostly because they were free of spiders, as opposed to everywhere else we went. Arlena and I took our time driving down the coast and stopping at beaches. We also hit some new movie hot spots. See pics below. I also went to San Diego this summer. We went to Matts wedding, which was beautiful. And then we went to Sea World and the beach. It was awesome. Jumping waves was really fun. A little scary, but awesome.